I think I went a little too far

So I got a little crazy with the betta fish tonight. I kept pushing him around and he kept on swimming. So I went further. I tried to hold him by his tail with the fork several times and he would not stay. Finally, I put my hand in there and held him by his tail several times, and pushed him around with the fork while I held him by his tail.

Then comes the real kicker. I took him out of the bowl for some "surgery." I removed both of his eyeballs. At first, he really objected, and flipped over every time I tried to hit his eyeball. Then, he stopped moving so much, I guess he got used to it.

Then, I put him back in the tank. I think he's not in too good of shape now. He's staying at the top of the tank. He's not moving much. He no longer sees my hands or any objects I put in the tank, since he's blind.

I don't know if he will make it tonight. I may have to put him down the garbage disposal. Tomorrow I plan on getting another fish. It's a shame. He was such a good fish. Why did I have to mess him up? I guess I just couldn't help myself. But now, I wish I hadn't. I wish I had left him alone to do his thing.

I really think that I need some other things to put my time and focus on, instead of focusing on the perfection of a betta fish. It's really unfair to the fish taht I do that.

This fish is in really bad shape. He can breath, but that's about it. He doesn't really swim around anymore. Can't blame him. The thing has been taken to the end of the earth, and then some. I push him to the bottom, and he just swims back towards the top. I guess that's the only place he can stay now. Poor thing. Probably tomorrow I will put him down the disposal, and get another fish. And I promise, I will try my hardest to treat that fish better.